Why Is Life So Hard?

It’s a matter of perspective

- A Rose, image credit Clifford Jones

It’s to learn to love. That’s the bottom line, and I’m convinced of that.

I recently talked with a man about the tragedies in his life and the lessons he’s learned. Let’s call him Dave. Dave went through hell and back.

Along the way, he drank buckets of booze and did lots of drugs to take the edge off life. It’s easier to go through hell numbed by substances until it isn’t.

Dave landed in jail more than once. Then prison. Life kept getting harder and darker. He didn’t know why.

Then, one day, while sitting on his prison bed, Dave said to himself, “Gee. Maybe I’m the problem. Hmmm.”

Dave started reading books. He began taking classes he had ignored before, including anger management and meditation. He hung around men who steered clear of the gangs.

These were sober men, unlike the majority who had access to and used drugs. After they stopped using alcohol and other substances to soothe their trauma-ridden bodies and minds, they learned what emotional sobriety meant.

Over time and with practice, they no longer felt the cycles of fear, anger, rage, shame, guilt, remorse, and self-pity. They no longer sweat the small stuff. They were getting better together and helping many others get ready to escape prison and stay out.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

— Kahlil Gibran

Dave and the other men living in recovery dedicated their time to helping others. Their goal was to get out of prison and stay out. To do that, they needed to learn skills that would be useful outside the real world, such as computer, internet, resume, job, and communication skills.

They needed to rebuild relationships with people who had abandoned them. Rebuilding trust required learning to make amends, promptly admit when they were wrong, and do what was in their power to make things right.

So, Dave did that while in prison, and now he’s out. He’s in the real world and doing much better. Like many people I know, he rebuilt his life from the ashes. His story inspires me and many others. Dave is very involved in the community, helping other men.

Dave and I were comparing notes about why life can be so hard for everyone. We agreed that nobody goes unscathed in the school of life. We surmised that problems with people, places, and things exist for a reason.

It’s to learn to surrender control. Many of us, including Dave and me, are recovering control freaks. We used to argue with reality, fight, resist, and believe the world revolved around us. We’re also perfectionists with often unrealistic goals and overly optimistic.

Being like that has consequences. Being selfish sucks once you learn how much time and energy we’ve lost. The world doesn’t revolve around me or Dave. The world evolves around all of us.

That means life on earth is more about the survival of the most cooperative, not the fittest. And let’s be clear about one thing: evolution didn’t create love. Something bigger and impossible to comprehend did. Most of us call that higher power God.

Dave surrendered to that power and made it his mission to increase his conscious contact with God. He changed his life one day at a time, seeking to know God’s will for him.

“If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears.” — Isaac Hayes

After letting go of control of the uncontrollable, Dave could focus on learning acceptance. It’s the gateway to the end of the struggle. When we realize the primary things we can control are our perspective, our point of view, and how close we get to a person or place, we can change how we see things.

Life is hard to teach us these things. It’s to love what we hate. How do we love what we hate, such as war, disease, poverty, and all the other problems we face today and will always struggle to endure?

Practice. Learning unconditional love requires practicing radical forgiveness first. We must forgive ourselves for all our blunders, and in doing that, we learn to forgive others.

Compassion kicks into high gear. For example, most parents will grow to dislike or hate some stupid things their children do. But, no matter how bad it gets, the parents will still love their child. It’s the same with God. He sees us flailing around down here. And he put us here because it’s the ultimate soul training ground.

Being a soul crammed into a human body is a gift. It’s a privilege to be in the school of life, even though it may not seem that way. God gave us free will, and look what we do with it. Good, bad, and everything in between.

And what makes a person, place, thing good, bad, or anything else? We do. It’s all based on how we see the world around us. That’s our perspective or how we see the world. It depends on how we see ourselves in relation to the world.

Yes, the school of life can be brutal for all of us. But the entire point is that through our struggles, we learn to surrender, accept, hope, love, let go, and let God run the show.

He’s got Dave’s back, my back, and yours—all it requires is believing in something bigger than little, old, ego-powered humans.

Dave and I haven’t seen each other since that fateful day. All I know is that I love hanging around the Daves of the world. They worked their way through their living hell and woke up to attain a higher view and understanding of how the world works and why we are here.

We are here to learn, surrender, accept, and follow our faith in a higher power to connect with others and share forgiveness and unconditional love. That’s hard. But if guys like Dave can do it, there is hope for others.

Pray for wisdom and hope for acceptance. That’s how Dave rolls.

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I write about finding clarity of purpose, being creative, and creating cash flow that gives you artistic, time, and financial freedom. I’m an author and professional photographer based in Scottsdale, Arizona, specializing in corporate, headshots, and event photography. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.