The Day I Learned My Father Died: Surfing a Tsunami of Emotion

A personal reminder about the power of the love of a father

Image credit: Tony Edgeworth. My father and his wife, Patrice

My father was my first hero. His name was Clifford Jones, Jr. I am the third. He was the most patient, loving father a boy like me could ever have. He taught me many things, including how to excel in tennis, sports, love, reverence for God, family, the beauty of nature, education, and grace.

My father was not a religious man. He was spiritual and struggled to understand and make sense of the Great Mystery. He will always be my best Earthbound teacher, coach, and mentor.

Dad was always there for me, no matter what.

The last time I talked with my father

It was 11 years ago today that I last talked with my imperfect, loving father. It was the Friday before Father’s Day. We spoke often, even though we lived thousands of miles apart.

That day, we had a minor disagreement because I didn’t feel he was telling me the truth about his health.

He had cancer, but was unwilling to talk about it with anyone but his wife. Perhaps he was too proud, but it’s more like he didn’t want to burden anyone he loved.

But I sensed something was wrong, and I was sad.

Father’s Day 2014 came and went

We didn’t talk on Father’s Day. I figured we had just talked, and that was good enough. I was wrapped in my head; all about me.

The following Monday, I got the worst phone call of my life from my father’s wife, Patrice, who you see in the image above. They were soulmates.

Pat told me that Dad had died suddenly from a massive heart attack after his first chemotherapy session. I was crushed by the instant shock, dismay, and overwhelmed by a tsunami of emotions.

My wife tells me I wept for him for about two years. I did, and still do from time to time.

Dad was gone, forever

Losing the people we love shocks us and our souls. After all, I can’t recall one school, class, teacher, or coach who could prepare me for the day my father would die.

My father may be gone from this world and his body, but I know he’s with me in spirit. I know he knows I love him.

The school of life has a purpose

Life will never be easy. Nobody is exempt from suffering. Suffering is the gateway to awakening, loving, grace, and salvation.

Evil can teach us how to love what is seemingly unlovable. Here’s an example. Think about any sane parent.

No matter how bad things get with a child or how angry a child makes us, we love our children unconditionally.

I believe the same is true for the God of my limited understanding, and my number one teacher, Jesus of Nazareth.

Fathers and mothers, we can do better

As parents, we are called to teach by example. The values and virtues we teach our children will last a lifetime.

Life is more about progress rather than seeking perfection. Perfection is the thief of inner peace—at least it’s been that way for me.

My father was the kind of man who said things like, “Clifford, I want you to know how much your mother and I love you. I know you’re struggling to make sense of life right now, but you can come to us with anything. We will always love you no matter what.”

This is powerful, especially for men who internalize the human struggle. Thanks to my father and our Father, I know how to trudge through life even though I fall often.

Radical and unconditional love is the way

In closing, let my story remind us to live in the present and focus on improving our relationship with our Father, families, friends, foes, enemies, and employers.

If your father is still among us today, tell him you love him no matter what, because you know the power of unconditional love and forgiveness.

Happy Father’s Day. Dad, I love you.

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