Resentment Is Poison: How I Finally Made Peace After a Business Divorce
I had to learn the power of acceptqnce, forgiveness, and unconditional love
Over twenty years ago, on a Tuesday morning, I walked into my office expecting to review client files, plan our next big campaign, and talk shop with my business partner—someone I had worked with for four years. Instead, it blindsided me.
“We’re done,” he said flatly. “Our partnership is over.”
No warning. No explanation. No conversation. The news hit me like an emotional heat-seeking missile that crushed me at the soul level—shock and awe in one of the world’s largest wealth management companies.
The man I’d trusted with our shared vision for building a business pulled the plug just like that. I walked out of that office in utter despair and disbelief into what would become one of the darkest, most painful emotional spirals of my life.
“Resentment is the most precious flower of poverty.” — Carson McCullers
Letting go was impossible at the time
What I didn’t realize then was that I wasn’t just losing a partner. He handed me an invitation to grow up emotionally. An invitation I’d spend decades ignoring. One that would cost me more than money ever could.
I built that business from scratch, starting at age thirty. I sold my first book of business to a major Wall Street firm that a bank now owns. Once there, I became a business partner with a more senior advisor who needed a “work horse” to grow the business. That was me; tireless, relentless, I poured my heart and soul into helping people build and manage wealth so they could retire.
Over time, we helped clients manage over $180 million in assets. That number symbolized success, control, and “I made it.” But here’s what it became: a $180 million prison wrapped in resentment, fueled by an ego too proud to admit it was hurting.
But instead of having a stable business, I needed to start over and salvage my life.
I couldn’t bury the pain deeply enough
Instead of processing the loss and moving forward, I buried it deep. The betrayal festered. I wore it like armor. I told myself I was the victim, and I told others the same. The narrative gave me power. It gave me control—at least that’s what I thought.
But the truth is that resentment didn’t protect me. It poisoned me.
The deeper I buried it, the more it surfaced in other areas of my life. Anger. Irritability. Emotional numbness. Eventually, rage. And the rage? It earned me a seat in court-ordered anger management. Yeah, me. The “strategic coach.” The “trusted advisor.” The guy with the polished pitch and the bulletproof portfolio.
Turns out, I wasn’t bulletproof. I was bleeding inside, quietly and slowly.
Like most people carrying unresolved pain, I kept building. After the partnership collapsed, I launched a new business. Retirement planning and investment management became my new stage, and I crushed it. We scaled, served, and ultimately sold.
Keeping score is hard
From the outside, it looked like I had won. But inside, the scoreboard was reading something different.
I couldn’t escape the resentment. I tried everything — business wins, new routines, even silence. But the story kept playing on a loop: that dude did me wrong. He ended it unfairly. I deserved better.
What I didn’t see — what I couldn’t see — was the part I played. My resistance to that truth was my real weight, not the breakup itself.
Last week, twenty-one years later, I experienced a moment of clarity and called my former partner to tell him I was sorry. I needed to tell him what happened to me, that I forgive him, and that I’m okay now.
I looked him up online and called him
I didn’t know if he was still alive. But I found a number. His assistant picked up. Thirty minutes later, I was sitting across from him at his desk.
He was confused about why I would call him and ask for a meeting. He greeted me in the lobby of his office, and we sat down. I told him I was sorry.
I didn’t defend. I didn’t blame. I didn’t posture.
I owned my part
I told him what I had gone through, how I fell into a spiral, how I resented him for years. How I fed that resentment like it was fuel for my ambition — when really, it was fire burning up my soul.
And something incredible happened. I learned the truth.
He told me he had been having a bad day. That morning, he saw me reading a book when he thought I should have been hustling. (It was a book about investment management, which I read as I worked on my continuing education.) He had made a snap decision that he later regretted.
Finally, I understood what had happened. Even though it didn’t make sense that someone would end a thriving business partnership because he was having a “bad day.”
We shook hands. Just two men, a couple of decades older, letting go.
That moment didn’t erase the past. But it redeemed it.
Resentments poke holes in the soul
It was then that I understood the toxic cost of holding onto resentments. They don’t hurt the people we resent. They destroy us quietly, consistently, and completely.
And they always invite us to grow.
Over time, I learned to shift gears into a higher state of consciousness
That’s where the S.H.I.F.T. process comes in. It saved me. I created S.H.I.F.T. as a practical, personal tool to help me manage my emotions when nothing else seemed to work. It allowed me to slow down, look within, and make sense of my feelings.
It helped me stop reacting out of pain and start responding with clarity. S.H.I.F.T. became my daily guide, step by step, to moving from resentment and confusion to peace and purpose.
Not all at once, not ideally, but piece by piece. One day at a time, broken down into 57,600 seconds in the average waking day.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” — Mark Twain
Here’s a quick snapshot of my “Clarity S.H.I.F.T. Method™”
Self-Awareness: I had to stop pretending I was a victim and see my role in the story.
Higher Understanding: I had to stop asking “Why me?” and start asking “What’s this here to teach me?”
Introspection: I had to look within — past the narrative, past the ego, into the scared part of me that felt abandoned and unworthy.
Focused Intention: I had to choose peace over pride, clarity over control, and truth over the temporary relief of being “right.”
Transcendence: I had to forgive him. And then I had to forgive myself.
S.H.I.F.T. isn’t a formula. It’s a way of returning to who we are underneath all the noise, all the armor, and stories we tell to avoid vulnerability.
I’m not here to tell you this is easy. It’s not. But I can tell you with complete honesty — it’s worth it.
Resentment cost me years of peace, countless nights of sleep, a piece of my health, and nearly my soul. But now, that old pain has become part of my purpose.
Here’s the truth about resentments
When we resent a person, place, or thing, the resentment owns us.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” — Nelson Mandela
If you’re carrying something like this, ask yourself: Am I willing to see my part in the story? Am I ready to let it go — not for them, but for me?
You don’t need a dramatic reunion to release your pain. You need a willingness to speak S.H.I.F.T. and a moment of truth from your soul.
That’s where healing begins. It’s where real wealth lives; inner peace in a world gone mad.
I help hungry founders, thought leaders, and trusted advisors get “unstuck.” Build brand equity, simplify marketing, and accelerate sales. Get your free Brand Equity Playbook™ Quick-Start Guide at www.CliffordJones.com.
>>> Here’s a remarkable story by Eleanor Writer about letting life lead you to higher ground.