How to Suffer and Love It
Making Chronic Pain, Stress, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, and Depression Your Friend
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash
When you’re visiting a doctor with pain, the doctor asks, “On a scale of 1–10, how’s the pain?”
Had I seen a doctor yesterday, my answer would have been nine at its peak. I’m hurt, and I’m not sure why. But I’m learning from the experience.
I woke up a couple of days ago with pain in my right shoulder. It felt like I had slept on it wrong or as if someone had punched me hard with a big, fat fist of concrete.
Over the next 24 hours, the pain got worse. The next day, yesterday, I was in agony. I tried to work and type and could barely hold myself up. The pain was so bad. My wife heard me moaning as if I could let the pain leak out of my body into the ether.
Pain is my friend. I know it well, especially the Grandfather of pain, Chronic Pain. He’s a real bitch when he’s at his worst. And believe me, I know that dude well.
Most of my chronic pain life-to-date has been in my lower back. When I was a kid, I remember my mom talking about my dad’s lower back pain. It was chronic.
But Dad didn’t talk about his pain much. He was a lover, too kind to let his pain leak on others. He was a classic suppressor and repressor of his pain. That’s a fast track to dying young. Dad died too young because he didn’t know how to process his pain.
Dad suffered in silence. I suffer out loud. Yesterday, as I moaned through the waves of pain as if caught in a white squall, Janice would call around the corner, “Are you okay? Do you want some Advil or something?”
I finally submitted to taking four Advil before I went to bed at 6:30 pm. The pain sucked the life out of me, and I went with it. I loved the pain.
How to Love the Pain and Suffering
Here’s my humble conclusion about my chronic pain and all of the emotions that make us feel like big turds trudging through our time in the school of life; pain and suffering are the best teachers.
We have to learn to love the pain and suffering. It’s that simple.
The same applies to mental health if we let it teach us how to move through suffering into the light, the next level of self-awareness, of our God-given powers to love, forgive, surrender, heal, and share the wisdom of our transformation.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
— Kahlil Gibran
It’s that simple, but not easy. Learning to love chronic pain and all the lower emotions, including the darkest nights of the soul, the worst of mental health afflictions, any addiction, anger, rage, loneliness, and every form of suffering known only to humans.
Humans are the only animals that suffer from our thinking. Think about that.
Other animals, like our favorite pets, don’t think about themselves. They don’t create the suffering we create by thinking about their suffering.
Even when all the other animals suffer, they are not self-aware or conscious enough to think about it and suffer like humans do.
Thoughts About Thinking
What can we do considering the whole thinking thing? We can observe thoughts as they come and go like puffy white clouds; occasionally, stormy clouds come and go.
Learn from your suffering to love. I love the pain. I love the depression. I love the anxiety. I love the jerk at work or the person who cuts you off on the way home.
They don’t show up often anymore, but when they do, I greet them with a smile, chat a bit, and let them go on their merry way, which they always do.
I practice observing myself, being present, and letting my thoughts come and go all day long in a state of trained acceptance, presence, and unconditional love. Even though there are still people, places, and things I can judge or overthink, I observe those thoughts and feelings in that situation, smile, and let them go.
I stopped fighting reality, controlling the uncontrollable, or arguing with nature.
Even though all this stuff shows up occasionally, I never let it move it. I honor it like any other visitor, and after the visit is over, they move on.
Love what is, and stop arguing with this level of reality, which isn’t as real as the heavenly realm that lives within us all if we’re willing to see it, know it, and let it do all the heavy lifting in the school of life.
Because that’s where we are right now. We are in the school of life. Our job is to wake up, love the lessons we’re given, and get better at loving, forgiving, accepting, sharing, giving, receiving, praying, trusting, and knowing that the light of our Creator lives in and through every one of us.
That is the light that heals our wounds and suffering. I use that God-given power to recognize my chronic pain. The recent pain that hit me was a teacher. I am supposed to slow down, reflect, wait, become more patient, pray, rest, heal, and let go of whatever stuck energy is within me, teaching me to be still, listen, and receive the message.
Now you know my mindset for shifting into a higher gear. Learning to love pain and suffering takes awareness and practice.
You become an A+ student in the school of life when you learn to love, forgive, and go with the suffering. You transcend it all with love.
That means even if you didn’t like school, you can learn to love learning in the school of life.
The entire point of being here is to learn to love it all. In closing, I will see a healer at 8 am today. She’s an energy healer. I have a feeling that she can help me work through and release the remaining pain in my shoulder.
The pain is less today than yesterday. I have only hit a nine pain level today once by moving too fast in one direction with my arm. But, overall, having rested and loved on this pain, it’s going away.
Pain and suffering never move in permanently when we learn to love them and let them teach us how to have higher love and understanding.
Clifford Jones is the founder and managing partner of Clarity Strategic Coaching, LLC. He writes about mental health, consciousness, and the art of human transformation. Cliff serves company leaders as an executive coach, strategic advisor, and communications consultant. He is also a family man, writer, visual artist, and mental health advocate. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.