How to Let Go of Anger
Advice from Psychologists, Therapists, and Healers
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Anger is a natural human emotion, yet it can be challenging to manage and control. When left unchecked, it can harm our relationships, well-being, and mental health.
Fortunately, psychologists, therapists, and healers have developed various strategies to help individuals effectively process and let go of anger.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” — The Buddha
Understanding the Roots of Anger
Recognizing the triggers of anger is the first step toward managing it effectively. Psychologists emphasize the importance of self-awareness in identifying situations, words, or actions that ignite anger (APA, 2017).
Understanding your anger triggers can help you anticipate and prepare for situations that might provoke an emotional response. In my experience, the root of my anger was fear; fear of not being good enough, rich enough, fast enough, winning enough, earning enough.
When you know that you’re enough without selling your soul to get more stuff, you’re on your way to letting go of fear, impatience, agitation, anger, and, the grandfather of them all, rage.
Let go of the fear, and the anger melts away.
“But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” — Maya Angelou
Expressing Anger Constructively
Expressing anger assertively rather than aggressively is a crucial strategy recommended by professionals. It involves communicating your feelings and needs calmly and directly without hurting others (APA, 2022).
This approach not only helps in resolving the immediate issue but also in building more robust, more respectful relationships.
“The best fighter is never angry.” — Lao Tzu
Techniques for Managing Anger
Several techniques can be employed to manage anger, as outlined by therapists and healers:
Cognitive restructuring. This involves changing the way you think about anger-provoking situations. By reframing your thoughts, you can reduce the intensity of your anger and view situations more rationally.
Relaxation techniques. Methods such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help calm the physiological arousal that anger causes. These practices aid in reducing stress and promoting a sense of peace, making it easier to handle anger-inducing situations with a clear mind.
Physical activity. Physical activities like exercise or sports can be a healthy outlet for venting anger. It helps release built-up tension and produces endorphins, natural mood lifters (BetterHelp, 2023).
Become a problem solver. Sometimes, anger is caused by real problems that need solutions. Approaching the problem with a calm, logical mindset can help find practical solutions, reducing the frustration and anger associated with the issue.
Improving communication skills. Communicating effectively, especially in heated situations, can significantly reduce anger. This includes active listening, pausing before responding and expressing yourself clearly and respectfully.
Using humor. Appropriately used, humor can diffuse anger. It helps to look at the lighter side of a situation without resorting to sarcasm, which might exacerbate the problem.
Seeking professional help. In cases where anger is severe or unmanageable, seeking help from a therapist or counselor is advisable. They can provide tailored strategies and support to deal with anger more constructively.
Enhancing Self-Worth
Building self-esteem and reinforcing personal values can also play a significant role in managing anger. When we feel good about ourselves and are grounded in our values, we are less likely to feel threatened and react with anger (Psychology Today, 2023).
How we see ourselves determines our self-talk to a large extent. Who talks to you worse than you talk to yourself when you’re angry, sad, or down on your luck?
Change how you see, treat, and feel about yourself, and you’re on your way to being okay with people, places, and things that currently set you off.
“Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others — it only changes yours.” — Anonymous
Avoidance and Distraction
In some situations, avoiding triggers or distracting oneself can effectively manage anger. This does not mean ignoring the problem but instead choosing to engage with it at a more appropriate time when emotions are not running high.
When you begin to feel impatient, restless, and angry, pause as soon as possible. When you observe yourself, it's as if you create space, a certain distance between your mind and the emotions that begin to take over.
Transforming through anger is best done by avoiding your triggers, creating new space, and practicing new habits daily. The alternative is paying the price for letting your anger turn into rage and considerable trouble with the law.
“Never say mean words out of anger. Your anger will pass. But your mean words can scar a person for life.”
— Anonymous
The Role of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful tool in letting go of anger. It involves releasing resentment and thoughts of revenge.
This does not mean you forget or condone the wrong; instead, choose to let go of its hold on your emotions. This process is beneficial for your mental and emotional health.
In conclusion, managing anger is not about suppressing it but understanding and expressing it constructively. By employing these strategies, individuals can learn to handle their anger better, improving relationships and overall well-being.
Remember, seeking professional help is okay if you find it difficult to manage anger alone. Embracing these techniques can lead to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
References
American Psychological Association. (2017). Understanding anger: How psychologists help with anger problems. APA
American Psychological Association. (2022). Control anger before it controls you. APA
BetterHelp. (2023). Anger Management Therapy Techniques For Rage. BetterHelp
Psychology Today. (2023). Anger. Psychology Today