How Self-Aware Are You?
The Subtle Art of Developing Your Self-Awareness
Here’s an image I recently captured at sunrise.
I grew up working in kitchens and restaurants. The last chef I worked for was in 1983. He was an angry German man named Ian. He had a bum leg and a cane he threatened to use as a weapon.
I’ll never forget what happened in the kitchen when Chef Ian lost his temper. Everyone around him would cringe, hoping to escape his wrath. It was scary.
I’m sure more than one employee quit, but I worked in a management training program in the bowels of a luxury hotel kitchen.
I got a few hefty doses of Chef Ian’s rage but never took a direct hit from his cane. In retrospect, I was probably not a great guy to work in Chef Ian’s kitchen because I pretty much sucked working in kitchens.
Back then, I wondered how people like Chef Ian could get so mad as to lose their minds almost every day at work, and that was his reputation beyond being a great chef working in a luxury hotel.
Back then, I was not aware of how awareness works. The word wasn’t on my radar. I was young, naive, and insatiably curious, and I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even though I had graduated college and knew I would have to pay back all of my debts because paying my debts was the right thing, I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I didn’t know squat about awareness until I lost my mind, money, health, self-confidence, and, worst of all, my faith. It was in my journey to get my mind, money, health, self-confidence, and faith back. That was in 2003.
My comeback from the darkest depths of misery began with faith in a power greater than myself. I became aware that I was selfish in more ways than one and needed to make humility, honesty, acceptance, and compassion my best friends.
I began to learn more about awareness when I tapped into the work of David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., when I read his book, Power Vs. Force, The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior.
That’s when I learned about human consciousness. Dr. Hawkins had created a map for consciousness. Here’s what it looks like:
You can learn more about David R. Hawkin’s work here. I love his work and have all of his books. I also attended his last public engagement in Cottonwood, Arizona, in 2005, shortly after I began reinventing myself from the ashes of self-implosion.
Moving Along the Stream of Awareness
I’m not sure what happened to Chef Ian. I’m sure God felt sorry enough for me that I soon landed a job in the same hotel’s restaurant after Ian got sick of me being in his kitchen.
I got promoted to host, then server. Any job outside a kitchen and away from Chef Ian was a joy. I soon started serving tables. One day, I served the hotel’s top executives. I served them well enough that they offered me a job in the hotel’s sales and marketing department.
Talk about a shift in self-awareness. I had to suddenly see myself as a salesman working in the hotel marketing department. I had never had a job in sales, but I knew how to get what I wanted when I was a kid, so I tried asking questions and helping my prospects get what they wanted: rooms for their bosses in my luxury hotel.
From there, I got another job offer, a raise, a credit card with a balance big enough to max out for an engagement ring so I could lock in the love of my life, Janice.
We soon got married, had children when I was a child of a man, and struggled to juggle the responsibilities of life I chugged faster than a keg of beer at a college keg race.
As you’ll soon see, the power of self-awareness evolves with age, experience, and wisdom. We mostly come to know who we are through experience and suffering.
We’re all learning to become more self-aware, whether we know it or not. Becoming more self-aware is what the game of life is all about until we delve into religion and struggle to know God and the distinctions between us and Him.
The best way to navigate the game of life is to improve our self-awareness about whatever power we can see greater than us.
Self-awareness can lead to greater self-love, and that’s the only way to love another. Hence, love thy neighbor as thyself. That takes some serious reading, learning, and self-awareness development, but most of us are too busy comparing ourselves to false ideals on social media.
The Hallmarks of Self-Awareness
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi
Let’s begin by looking at what a lack of self-awareness entails. At the highest level, self-awareness is the opposite of what you’re about to read.
It’s joy and love like you see in Dr. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.
If you experience any of the signs that you lack self-awareness, your awareness will have improved!
Here are the twelve attributes of one who is not self-aware, which I found outlined in a great blog post from Silk and Sonder:
Victim Mentality: When they hear something they don’t like, they victimize themselves. Instead of seeing feedback as an opportunity to grow, they see it as an attack.
Blaming Others: They often blame others for their problems and mistakes instead of taking responsibility.
Never Admitting Wrong: They refuse to admit when they’re wrong, finding it difficult to accept their mistakes.
Poor Listening Skills: They must listen to others and often interrupt or ignore feedback.
Lack of Empathy: They have trouble understanding others’ feelings or perspectives.
Need for Attention: They always need to be the center of attention, indicating a lack of awareness of how their actions affect others.
Impulsiveness: They act impulsively without considering the consequences of their actions.
Out of Touch with Emotions: They are out of touch with their emotions, which makes it difficult for them to understand and manage them.
Fear of Commitment: They fear losing control over their lives and are often afraid of commitment.
Inability to Consider Criticism Objectively: They cannot objectively consider criticism and search for its truth.
Fabricated Identity: Their identity is often a fabrication, and they do not know who they are under their mask.
Defensiveness: They become defensive when confronted with their shortcomings, unable to handle constructive criticism.
The Connection Between Self-Awareness and Consciousness
Let me explain if you’re wondering about the connection between human consciousness and self-awareness.
Self-awareness and consciousness are closely related but distinct in their nuances.
Self-awareness involves a deep understanding of one’s emotions, motives, and desires, allowing one to reflect on their inner states and behaviors.
Consciousness, on the other hand, is a broader term that refers to the state of being aware of and able to think about oneself and the environment.
While consciousness is necessary for self-awareness, not all conscious experiences involve self-awareness.
Think back to Chef Ian. He was conscious of being a kitchen chef in a luxury hotel.
Ian knew his trade and kitchen so well he didn’t have to think much about how he acted when he lost his mind (temper). He lost his temper so much that it became how his employees knew him.
Therefore, self-awareness is a subset of consciousness, specifically focusing on the introspective aspect of being aware.
Chef Ian probably knew he had an anger management issue, but he wasn’t self-aware enough to not create terror with his workers.
The relationship between self-awareness and consciousness is crucial for our personal growth. Increased self-awareness can lead to better emotional regulation and decision-making.
Developing self-awareness in the context of human consciousness partly explains why I may never work in another kitchen or restaurant again. It also describes how I regained my mind, health, money, and faith.
It’s called the art of self-development and surrending to a higher power within all of us.
May you find “It” now.
Clifford Jones is the founder and managing partner of Clarity Strategic Coaching, LLC. He serves conscious, coachable company founders and leaders as a strategic coach, revenue builder, and creative consultant. He is also a family man, writer, visual artist, and mental health advocate. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.