Breaking Free from Fear: A Journey to Clarity

Transcend fear, impatience, anxiety, anger, and rage

- Night Light, image credit author

I wouldn’t have understood if someone had tried to explain that fear, impatience, anxiety, anger, and rage act like a psychic chain gang, choking the childlike curiosity, creativity, and fearlessness out of us.

But suffering turned out to have a purpose. I finally had enough of it and decided to stop suffocating myself in fear and its toxic accomplices. In other words, I had to learn who I am—not just understand who I am. Suffering taught me that.

Seek and Climb the Learning Curve

Some people learn life’s rules sooner than others, but only the seekers genuinely figure things out. The truth is, most of us don’t seek much of anything. We trudge through life asleep, hitting the snooze button on wake-up calls. And those are the people who die with buckets of regret.

Screw that. I’ve been trying to break out of the matrix by questioning everything. Do you know what happens to a Roman Catholic kid raised by hardcore Irish, Welsh, and German people when he asks too many questions about religion, church, God, and Santa Claus?

Whoop-ass happens.

That taught me how to be quick—on my feet and with wit. I was so naive and curious that I found more trouble than most. And breaking the rules comes with consequences.

Consequences: The Great Equalizer

Jail is one consequence of being a selfish, ignorant jerk. And jail sucks. After a few rounds behind bars, some might finally think, Gee, maybe I shouldn’t do dumb, illegal stuff anymore. Perhaps it’s time to change my ways. This life sucks. I can do better.

Moments like that bring clarity. Suffering wakes those too curious, creative, and questioning for our good. Or it becomes a trap—when brokenness, dysfunction, and sickness take root in our identity.

“Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is wisdom.”
— Lao Tzu

Learning from consequences is crucial for success.

Reprogramming Myself Away from Fear and Control

What is the biggest lesson I would give my younger self? Don’t be so afraid.

Fear consumed me from a young age—the fear of not being included, not being liked, not being fast enough to compete, not being strong enough to fight back instead of just getting punched in the head.

I had no clue how fear, impatience, and old flashes of rage connected. It was like growing up with road rage before I had a driver’s license. Those emotions were everywhere.

To cope, I threw myself into sports—tennis, baseball, ski racing, soccer—becoming an athlete who could out-hustle and outplay older kids. Sarcastic humor became my shield against adolescent insecurity. I used sports to satisfy the human need for approval.

If we don’t fit in—if we’re excluded from the tribe, the family, the cool kid club, the team, the league—we lose our minds. Or worse, we die inside.

No wonder I smashed so many Jack Kramer tennis rackets into smithereens. Fear made me obsess over winning. But winning is an outcome, and no one controls outcomes. Every time I let fear, impatience, or anger take over, I electrocuted myself trying.

Wisdom Is the Way

Chances are, you’re younger than I am. You seek wisdom that others ahead of you have acquired. If you want what they have in a good way, emulate the habits of those you admire.

Follow your curiosity, no matter your age.

Most of my readers, followers, and subscribers are younger and face challenges I’ve already worked through. My goal now is to provide insight, to give you hope. To give back. To serve, love, and lead with light. Others helped me when I needed it most. Now, I help others.

Love Is

Life is a brutal school. Despite legions of angels trying to help us—and the illusion of free will—most of us can’t figure out why this place is so harsh, why we’re so cruel to each other, why we self-destruct.

The lesson? Love.

Love is the opposite of fear.

My breakthrough came during a midlife meltdown that would have crushed most people. In a moment of clarity, I saw myself drowning in fear, anger, rage—addicted to those emotions and the substances I used to take the axe-murderer edge off.

“Enough of this,” I said.

I was done being afraid.

So I got help. I got sober. And suddenly, I was raw, stripped of the substances that used to take the edge off. I had to find a new way to cope—meditating, praying, surrendering attachments, and letting go of the illusion of control.

A few years into these new habits, something incredible happened.

I stopped biting my nails.

I stopped getting angry at myself.

I no longer wanted to five-finger-death-punch people in line at the grocery store. My road rage disappeared faster than snow melts in Arizona.

And in that stillness, I realized something even more significant:

I had spent my life defining myself by what I was not.

One Soul, One Seat in the School of Life

I used to think I was a successful, wealthy financial advisor. I am not.

I used to think I was an Arizona state tennis champion. I am not.

I used to think I was a fast motorcycle rider. I am not.

I’m not even my face, body, or brain.

I am a soul—an eternal one. And I’m here, in this school called Life on Earth, to learn how to love—everything—even the worst parts.

We all suffer. But if we stop being afraid of suffering, we can find salvation. We can live more in light than darkness. Because, like suffering, darkness teaches us to seek the light.

And if you don’t believe in a higher power?

Well, I’m sorry. You’d do better if you knew better, just like that jerk who cuts you off in traffic and flips you off for existing.

Transcendence

I still feel fear sometimes.

Like when I’m bombing down a mountain bike trail and leap over a rattlesnake lying across my path. Fear kicks in—followed by an adrenaline surge that makes me superhuman for an instant.

Or when I see an IRS logo in my mailbox. My heart leaps because I detest looters, parasites, and red tape that strangles liberty.

But in those moments, surrender, trust, and love take the lead. I don’t feel fear like I used to. I feel love.

I’ve danced with unity in my marriage to my best friend for over forty years. When either of our two sons gets in my face, unconditional love kicks in. The kind of love our Creator holds for us—even when we do dumb, destructive things.

That’s the real lesson here.

We transcend fear, anxiety, impatience, and rage by becoming better students in the school of life. The teachers are everywhere, showing us how to love this place, even when it seems we’re on the brink of self-annihilation.

“Cliff, you’re not afraid anymore.”

I hear that a lot these days.

That’s how I found my way into a joyful new business, using my passion for light and photography. I finally get to be who I am: a sober, grateful soul who loves his seat in the school of life—and can’t wait to get back to class each day.

Transcendence is shifting your consciousness to align with your Creator. Adjust your perspective, and suddenly, the small stuff stops making you crazy.

Control is an illusion. Instead, let go. Plug into something more significant.

And if you’re behind me in this school, know there is no competition.

It’s all about love.

So love it all. And serve others the best you can.

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I write about the art of human transformation, consciousness, spiritual evolution, transcending suffering, and mental health. I’m a professional photographer specializing in corporate, headshots, and event photography. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.