Angry?
Tame Your Angry Inner Dragon - Make It Your Friend
“Hello, my name is Cliff. I’m a grateful, recovering, selfish control freak. Welcome to a meeting of Control Freaks, Not Anonymous. We have one primary purpose for our group. It’s to take our angry, fire-breathing, life-scorching dragons and make them friends.”
As the founder of Control Freaks Not Anonymous, I am on a mission to help recovering control freaks let go of their insanity. Trust me. If you’ve been ordered to anger management classes by a judge, you might be a control freak.
We’ve all been there—angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It feels like a dragon inside us, ready to breathe fire.
But what if we could tame that dragon instead of letting it burn us or others? What if we could transform anger into an ally?
Understand the Dragon: Anger as a Messenger
From a metaphysical standpoint, anger is energy; like all energy, it can be redirected. Let’s explore how to tame your inner dragon and make it your friend.
Anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal. The universe tells us that something within or around us is out of alignment.
As the Buddha said, "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Anger doesn’t serve us when it’s held onto; it festers and causes damage within. But if we see anger as a messenger, it becomes an opportunity to learn and grow.
See anger like all pain and suffering; a teacher beyond the message.
The Root of Anger: Ego and Control
At the heart of most anger is our ego. We feel threatened, disrespected, or out of control. In spiritual teachings, the ego represents our false sense of self—the part that believes we are separate from others and the divine.
In truth, we are one, but as we fell into the school of life, we all came to believe we were separate.
We’re not. That’s reality, not the matrix I call the school of life.
“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.” – Byron Katie
The Bhagavad Gita teaches us, “For the one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for the one who has failed to do so, the mind will remain the greatest enemy.”
The same applies to anger and its child, impatience. The grandfather of anger is fear.
If we let anger control us, it becomes our worst nightmare. When we learn to understand it and work with its secret powers, it becomes a tool for transformation.
Transforming Anger into Compassion
To tame your inner dragon, you must first recognize that anger often comes from pain. Recognizing this can shift your perspective from anger to compassion.
"A violent wind does not last for a whole morning; a sudden rain does not last for the whole day." - Lao Tzu
Anger, like a storm, is temporary. If you can ride the wave without being swept away, you can transform that energy into something constructive. Even though I’m terrible at surfing actual waves, I’ve become good at surfing my waves of emotion.
Like anyone, I am susceptible to rouge waves and maybe even another emotional tsunami, like when I’ve lost loved ones in the past. But when I see storms coming, I’m well prepared.
If I can learn to tame my dragon and use its secret powers to create, protect, and heal, you can, too! Becoming open, honest, and willing to work “on” yourself would be best.
Doing the work pays off handsomely. Imagine no longer sweating the small stuff, trying to control the uncontrollable, or being in a constant cycle of fear, judgment, impatience, anger, rage, shame, guilt, etc.
Imagine having your anger be gone. After many years of practicing, my anger is gone. It’s one of the most significant personal achievements of my life, along with quitting alcohol.
That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated, irritated, or upset. I do. But as soon as I start feeling the heat-seeking anger missile fire up its engines in my solar plexus, I have a toolkit that helps me override virtually everything that used to bother me.
It’s radical compassion, acceptance, love, and forgiveness in action. It takes daily practice.
You can do this!
Practicing Detachment: Let Go of Expectations
Much of our anger stems from unmet expectations. We want things to be a certain way, and when they aren’t, the dragon within awakens.
Try expecting nothing other than yourself to be more self-aware, accepting, compassionate, forgiving, and detached; become the observer.
Expecting nothing of others takes lots of practice. Another way to view it is learning the power of radical acceptance: end your desire to control the uncontrollable.
Christ taught the power of letting go. “Forgive them, for they know not what they do,” he said, showing us the path to inner peace.
We train ourselves to rise above the people, places, or things that set us off. The more self-aware we can become of these things, including ourselves, the faster we’ll surf the waves of emotion like professionals.
Practicing detachment doesn't mean becoming passive; it means releasing the need to control outcomes. When we stop trying to control everything, the dragon loses its fire. We realize we are part of something larger, and everything unfolds as it should.
See yourself rising above the seeming insanity around you while on the back of your tamed dragon who takes you where you want to go instead of torching you from the inside out.
Practical Steps to Tame the Dragon
Learning and practicing various techniques to tame my anger dragon took me a long time. If you’re struggling with anger, trust me, you can get a firm grip on the root cause and reprogram yourself and your mind to tame the inner angry dragon.
Dragons don’t like being angry any more than you do. Find a way to go inside and work with yourself. That means taking time to learn the art of being enough.
You are on the path to becoming “emotionally sober.” Your emotions or egoic mind will no longer control you after you practice long enough.
Believe in yourself. You have the God-given power and light within you.
Here’s a short list of the steps I hope will help you as much as they continue to help me today:
Pause and breathe when feeling agitated: Pause and take a deep breath before reacting angrily. This simple act can help you shift from reactive to reflective.
Acknowledge the emotion: It’s energy in motion. Stay on top of your energy. You’re the manager, not the other way around. Admit that you’re angry without judgment. By acknowledging your feelings, you take the first step to taming them.
Ask what’s behind the anger. Is it fear, pain, or frustration? Understanding the root allows you to address the real issue. Once you get to the root cause, you can shift gears into a higher realm of self-awareness.
Practice forgiveness. Resisting resentment is critical to taming the dragon, whether you forgive someone or yourself. Hanging onto resentments is worse than the worst of hangovers from consuming too much alcohol. It’s poisonous to our health.
Channel the energy: Anger is powerful. You can channel or redirect it. It will pass through you if you let it.
The bottom line is you can use that former negative energy as your springboard to clarity and courage. Believe in yourself. Create something positive—a project, a solution, or an act of kindness.
Be of service to others. That almost always helps, especially if you expect nothing in return.
The Power of Forgiveness and Love
One of the most potent tools in taming your inner dragon is forgiveness. Love and forgiveness are the highest vibrations we can offer others and ourselves.
When we forgive, we free ourselves from the chains of anger.
As Rumi wisely said, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
We open ourselves to freedom and peace beyond anger when we release the need to be right.
Embrace the Dragon
Your inner dragon—your anger—doesn’t have to be feared. It’s part of you, a powerful force that can either consume or propel you forward.
You can make the dragon your friend by understanding, accepting, and transforming your anger.
As you practice shifting your self-awareness into a higher gear by practicing these steps, you’ll find that anger, like all emotions, has its place.
Your angry dragon is a tool for growth. When tamed, it will guide you toward more profound peace and wisdom.
Clifford Jones serves company founders and leaders as an executive coach, strategic advisor, and communications consultant. He is a family man, five-time author, visual artist, and mental health advocate. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.