Aging with Grace: Staying Relevant No Matter Our Age

A story about the last time I visited my father and how to adapt

Photo by Philippe Leone on Unsplash

How do we age gracefully and remain relevant in a society that sees us as old and warehouses us in assisting living homes when we can no longer care for ourselves? It’s a common question that my father had on his mind the last time we visited before he died.

Dad and I were driving to the golf course in his retirement community. He was in his late 70s and still working as a business consultant and partner in a small publishing company. We talked about his experience and how his wisdom might have helped me overcome a tough time in my consulting business.

He struggled to generate enough income to supplement his meager social security income. When I challenged him to do more, he said, “Clifford, you don’t understand because you’re much younger. It’s tough to stay relevant in business when you’re my age. The truth is, people see me as old. That’s the way it is. It isn’t easy to accept. Prepare yourself as best you can.”

It was almost impossible to relate to what Dad was telling me. As was typical, he shared his wisdom from an advanced perspective. After all, he was always wise and had a Masters Degree from Harvard he received when he was in his early 50s.

My reaction to his view was the same as when he made me take a typing class in high school. I resisted without knowing what I could not. Dad almost always wanted the best for me and guided me with undaunting love and devotion, even when I challenged him.

Now, at age 63, I’m starting to understand. People routinely call me sir when walking in our neighborhood or community. It’s like chasing the wind while networking and doing cold outreach on LinkedIn to find new executive coaching work.

Whenever I apply for a contract with a large, established coaching or consulting firm, I need to provide my resume, and I do. However, the responses are few and far between, as if my submissions fell into a black hole.

I feel the same frustration as my father expressed almost a decade ago. At times, I get discouraged. I focus on my writing and stay active in the community through service work. Most days of the week, I prospect online using LinkedIn, testing various forms of outreach to get traction with executives.

The reality for most of us is we can’t afford to retire. And for those who can, we often find that after traveling for a couple of years and living the retirement dream we worked hard to achieve, we lose meaning and purpose and must find a more fulfilling way to live.

Even though I don’t know what’s best for you, I’ll share several suggestions that might help if you’re retired, semi-retired, or actively looking for work. I’ve learned these things through trial, error, and reflection — some from my father and some from the paths I’ve walked myself.

Reframe aging as an asset. My father had more wisdom than I was ready to understand during that golf course drive. Now, I see the truth: experience is a treasure, not a burden. But here’s the catch — it’s up to us to believe it before others can. When I catch myself falling into the trap of thinking I’m “too old,” I ask: What do I know now that I didn’t know at 40 or 50? Often, the answer is perspective, resilience, and clarity.

Takeaway: Take a moment to identify what only your years of experience can bring to the table. Write it down. Whether it’s your ability to stay calm under pressure or insights into industry trends that have come full circle, these are your selling points. Own them.

Redefine relevance. My dad wrestled with staying relevant, and now I do, too. I’ve learned that relevance isn’t about competing with younger generations on their terms — it’s about showing up on your terms. That means sharing my knowledge through writing, teaching, and mentoring.

Takeaway: Ask yourself: What lights me up? Where can I use that energy to serve others? Maybe it’s mentoring a young professional who reminds you of your younger self. Perhaps it’s volunteering your skills in a nonprofit. Staying relevant often means staying useful — and usefulness takes many forms.

Stay curious and adaptable. One thing I admired about my father was his willingness to keep learning. He’d take on projects that pushed him out of his comfort zone, whether learning to navigate new publishing software or developing consulting strategies for industries he hadn’t worked in before.

Takeaway: Stay open to learning, whether it’s a new technology, a fresh perspective, or an unexpected opportunity. Take a course, read a book, or even ask your grandkids to teach you something. Curiosity has no expiration date.

Find community and stay connected. Aging can be significantly isolating if your work slows down or you’ve lost connections from earlier stages of life. When my father moved to a retirement community, I worried he’d feel lonely. But to my surprise, he thrived. He built friendships, joined a bridge club, and started a book discussion group.

Takeaway: Invest in relationships, whether it’s a local club, a volunteer organization, or an online community. Staying socially connected helps you feel alive and reminds you that you still have much to contribute.

Don’t let “No” define you. Accepting rejection can be very difficult. The most challenging part of growing older has been rejection — or worse, silence. A “no” can feel like a personal judgment, as if the world is telling me, You’re not needed anymore.

But the truth is that rejection happens to everyone, regardless of age. It doesn’t define us; what defines us is how we respond.

Takeaway: Keep showing up. Focus on small wins if you’re prospecting for work or launching something new—one meaningful connection, one project completed, one step forward — progress.

Accept and adapt to reality. Resisting reality is futile. I know because I’ve tried it often, but that’s a slippery slope to anger. My father once said, “Clifford, you have to prepare yourself. But preparation isn’t just about saving money or staying healthy.

It’s about accepting that life will change — and finding new ways to thrive within those changes.” His words stuck with me, and I see their wisdom more clearly now.

Takeaway: If your body won’t let you golf anymore, maybe it’s time to explore photography. If the corporate world feels like a locked door, it’s perhaps a sign to start consulting independently or exploring creative pursuits. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up — it means leaning into new possibilities.

I’ll admit, none of this is easy. Some days, it feels like I’m pushing a boulder uphill. But then I think about my father and the way he lived. Even when he struggled, he never stopped trying to contribute something of value — to his family, friends, and colleagues. That’s what I want to emulate.

So, if you’re feeling frustrated, take heart. Aging isn’t a closing door — it’s an open invitation to grow in ways you never expected. Society may not always value us as it should, but we can value ourselves. We can live with purpose, grace, and relevance — on our terms.

In closing, what’s one step you can take today to feel more engaged and connected? Whatever it is, do it. One step is all it takes to start building momentum.

---

I write about the art of human transformation, transcending suffering, and mental health. Learn about my executive and strategic communications coaching at www.CliffordJones.com.