Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash
I used to make hundreds of cold calls six days a week, most weeks. I was in my early 30s and building my first business, a wealth management business.
That was in the near Dark Ages when humans had landlines and answered their phones if you called them around dinnertime. And I didn’t know much about stress, psychology, or anything else about myself.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know as much about myself as I do now, which is one of the benefits of living in the School of Life for 64 years. What I learned is that I have A.D.H.D., which to me is a superpower once I learned to understand it and train my brain and body to let off the gas pedal.
To chill.
When we learn to slow down, stay focused, and create rhythm and peace in the material realm, it can be more valuable than gold. But back then, I didn’t understand what was happening to me beneath the surface.
I was a man on a material mission; born to compete, win, and hustle.
The hustle, sell, peddle trap
If you have A.D.H.D. and work in sales, you already know what I mean. You don’t just chase opportunity, you chase everything like a starving dog. Every new lead, every potential deal, every phone number on your call sheet feels like a tiny dopamine hit waiting to happen.
The grind became my drug. I was chasing money, success, approval, and some vague version of “making it.” But my nervous system was on fire most of the time. I’d start my days jacked up on coffee and ambition, and end them exhausted, agitated, and wondering why I still felt behind.
That, my friends, is what I now understand as self-induced trauma.
What trauma looks like
Back then, I didn’t think of trauma as something I had. I thought trauma was only for people who’d been through extreme abuse or catastrophe. But trauma isn’t always dramatic.
Sometimes, it’s subtle. It looks like constantly overcommitting and then burning out, staying busy so you never learn to be still, beating yourself up for not doing, making, winning, and achieving enough.
It’s ignoring your body’s signals and grinding through, and feeling unworthy unless you’re winning and getting what you want.
Sound familiar?
Now add in a brain that struggles to regulate attention, manage energy, or hit pause, and you’ve got a perfect storm. That was me. And that’s a lot of high-performing professionals with undiagnosed or misunderstood A.D.H.D.
What I learned about myself
A.D.H.D. isn’t just about being distracted. It’s about how we process stimulation, reward, and time itself. People like us are often wired to respond to urgency, novelty, and immediate payoff.
That’s why sales attracts so many of us. It’s fast. It’s loud. It’s full of adrenaline. Some even say it’s the highest-paid profession on the planet, unless you can’t sell very well.
However, if you don’t know how to manage that wiring, it leads to chronic dysregulation, causing your mind and body to run too hot for too long. The trauma comes from the unconscious self-abandonment we practice every day when we chase successive wins without checking in on what we truly need.
Why rejection hurts so much
Another thing I learned about myself made complete sense. For most of my adult life, I hated rejection. I took it personally, and sometimes I still do. There’s a reason for that.
It’s called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). A.D.H.D. dudes like suffer from it. It partly explains why a short email with critical feedback could ruin my entire day. If a client didn’t call back or someone canceled a meeting, I didn’t just brush it off. I would spiral into self-doubt, convinced I had failed or let someone down.
Confusion, sadness, anger, and at my worst, rage hijacked my brain. I felt crushed by even minor signs of disapproval. Learning about RSD was a revelation.
It finally gave language to what I had been feeling for decades, the intense emotional pain triggered by perceived rejection or failure, whether real or imagined. Once I understood what was happening in my brain and nervous system, I began to respond with more compassion instead of shame. That changed everything.
My wake-up call
At some point, I realized I wasn’t well. Sure, I was successful on paper. I had lots of income, plaques and awards, clients, and a calendar full of calls. But I wasn’t sleeping well. My relationships were strained. I couldn’t sit still long enough to reflect, let alone rest.
The biggest wake-up call came when I hit a wall emotionally. My willpower tanked. I lost my drive. The hustle I once prided myself on had burned me out. The only thing I knew how to do was numb the existential pain with substances.
The good news about my fall into an emotional and physical black hole was that I decided to get help over twenty years ago, and that’s when I started to heal. It was the path to my transformation and the progress I make one day at a time.
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.” — Dr. Brené Brown
I stopped traumatizing myself
I wish I could tell you I found a miracle cure. I didn’t. What I found was a slow, honest path of self-awareness.
I began to realize that trauma isn’t something that just happened to me; it was something I had been participating in. My growing self-awareness helped me understand that I was doing all of this to myself.
What you can do if this feels like you
If you’re a sales professional with A.D.H.D. or just a high-achiever who constantly feels like they’re “on,” please hear this:
You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. And you don’t need to grind yourself into dust to succeed. What I suggest to you is developing a system for honoring your unique wiring without constantly overstimulating your nervous system.
My other suggestions include creating a simple structure for your day. Make it work for you and your brain. Learn how to rest before you crash. Make quiet time, even a long walk or meditation session, part of your daily routine.
Tell yourself it’s okay to chill
And most important of all, especially for men who struggle with ego, ask for help. Talk about your fears, stress, and what’s going on.
It’s far better than burying it where it will eventually rear its ugly head.
A clueless younger man
I had no clue when I was younger. But I know now, which is why it would be completely shallow and selfish of me not to write and share this valuable lesson for other high-achieving capitalists, Chairman Club sales dogs, founders, and entrepreneurs chasing their dreams.
The grind that made me successful also ran over me like a small freight train. It wasn’t the cold calls or the sales pressure that caused the real damage; it was the way I ignored my own internal needs and treated myself like a machine.
Becoming more self-aware
It was my lack of self-awareness and incessant need to compete, win, and achieve. You can do incredible things without self-sacrifice. But only when you wake up, slow down, and treat your A.D.H.D. not as a problem, but as a gift that needs care and skill to use well.
If any of this resonates with you, please don't hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone. And you’re not crazy. You’re just ready for a different kind of success.
I’m an author, founder, facilitator, and strategic guide. Discover how the Clarity S.H.I.F.T. Method™ empowers purpose-led founders, leaders, and professionals. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.
thank you for sharing this Clifford. I'm 28 and I recently joined a high ticket sales group... will start to take calls from the end of the month. Its my 1st time in sales. Good to hear someone with ADHD is successful in the field.