40 Years of Marriage: What Love Taught Me Most About Life
A true story of destiny, forgiveness, and the miracle of living in unity
Image credit, Alexander Jones
This weekend, my wife, Janice, and I celebrated 40 years of marriage. We had a low-key celebration with our children and grandchildren, and it was perfect.
We met during our freshman year in college. For me, it was infatuation at first sight. A long-term loving marriage wasn’t on the radar back then, but as destiny would have it, I was able to court and marry the woman of my dreams within two years of graduation.
Looking back, I see marriage, parenting, and everything else as a lifelong classroom. I was never more than a C student in school, but I feel like I’ve earned an A+ in life.
At my worst, most women would have tossed me over the edge of the Grand Canyon for a portrait gone bad. But, because Janice chose to stay the course, our love grows deeper and beyond words, even for a pretty decent wordsmith.
What follows are several of the most important lessons I’ve learned, knowing that life’s tests never stop. Reflecting on the many joys, challenges, and moments of grace we’ve shared, let me assure you that Janice will always be the more mature of the two of us.
I was one of the children.
We married when we were kids, full of dreams, energy, and naive idealism. Neither of us had any idea that Janice would have three children to raise. The first two were our sons, Chris and Alex. I was the third.
I was never great at math, but if I had to guess, I had the emotional maturity of a man a decade younger than my real age.
Trust me when I tell you that it is the woman in most marriages who decides if the marriage will last. That was the case for us when I imploded in my late 30s.
True love is unconditional.
Trust me, infatuation wears off fast. What follows lust is either a train wreck or lasting love, depending on your fate. True love isn’t based on performance or perfection. It’s forged over decades through the toughest of trials.
Show up even when you don’t feel like it. Stay even when it’s hard. Forgive, not because it’s easy, but because it’s necessary for the bond to survive.
And keep your vows. Love that lasts isn’t built on infatuation or endless excitement.
It’s built on the daily decision to care, to listen, to give grace, and to keep the commitment.
Unity takes practice.
Marriage isn’t about finding the right person. Sure, that helps. But how many of us truly know what the hell we’re doing when lust hacks the brain? Success in a long-term relationship is about growth and becoming the right partner.
Unity requires faith, trust, loyalty, accountability, time, and divine intervention.
There were years of joy and years of indescribable stress. But each time life tested us, we found a way to return to center, and to remember why we chose each other in the first place.
That’s where faith comes in. Faith in God, faith in the process, faith in each other, and faith in the possibility of renewal.
Friction is part of the design.
When two people from different families and belief systems come together, sparks will fly. That friction can break you apart, or it can polish you like stones in a river.
“If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” — Unknown
We had to learn to handle differences with humility, to speak truth without blame, and to see each other’s perspective without losing our own. The quicker we learned to admit mistakes, forgive, and move on, the stronger our unity became.
Today, we live as one. We’ve endured the tests of time.
Forgiveness is a superpower.
Pride destroys more relationships than betrayal ever could. With time, our egos faded into the past, and we chose love over being right; peace between us emerged.
“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” — C.S. Lewis
There were times I failed as a husband, especially when work, ambition, excessive play, and way too many motorcycle expenses and adventures took their toll. But forgiveness, both given and received, helped us heal and start again.
Pause when agitated, forgive fast, and grow up as best you can.
Family is the real fortune.
Forty years later, I can say that Janice has been my greatest blessing. I tell our kids so they can tell their kids, “Our priorities are God, family, and everything else.”
Together, we raised two wonderful sons and now watch three grandchildren grow up. Even though our role as parents has changed, we’re learning what it means to be the patriarch and matriarch of a growing family here in Arizona.
We’ve shared laughter and tears, victories and defeats, setbacks and comebacks. Through it all, Janice has been my anchor, my confidant, and my best friend.
If I’m the rock of the family, Janice is the glue. Rocks crumble. Glue binds.
Marrying Janice is the best decision of my life. Sure, the incessant love notes, my hot, persistent pursuit, and lots of love notes helped. But she believed in me when I doubted myself. She stood by me through every reinvention, every new idea, every risk I took as an entrepreneur.
I could never have built or sustained my small businesses without her love and support. And our home equity. Behind every small success and every failure I’ve learned from, there’s been her quiet strength and unwavering faith.
Love is the miracle.
A lasting marriage isn’t luck or chemistry. It’s two people choosing each other again and again, through every season of life. Love matures, deepens, and becomes sacred; it is a spiritual partnership that is part of human evolution.
Regardless of time, I’m pretty sure that all women wonder if they married the right person.
After forty years, I’ve learned that love is less about finding happiness and more about honoring the sacred nature of two souls striving for unity. The opportunity is learning to love as God loves, freely, fully, and without condition.
For example, no matter how many parents may dislike what their children do, there is always the power of unconditional love behind them. When you catch even a glimpse of that kind of love, you realize how precious it is.
And therein lies the opportunity to keep trudging when most couples would part ways and head for the hills.
So we didn’t simply celebrate an anniversary this year. We’re celebrating a journey of faith, growth, and grace with the woman who taught me what love truly means.
I’m an author, career, and executive coach. Discover the power of the Clarity S.H.I.F.T. Method® for improving yourself, your career, business, and life at www.CliffordJones.com.